He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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