people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
