Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
