Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
