I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
