Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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