just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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