"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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