Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
