Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
