i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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