if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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