At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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