Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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