I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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