Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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