if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
