I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
