Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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