i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
