I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
