remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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