ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
