I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
