Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
