I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
