I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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