I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
