i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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