omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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