Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
