So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
