i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
