awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
