the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
