i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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