it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
