my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
