the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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