How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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