Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
