No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
