i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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