you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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