I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
