but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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