dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
