i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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