you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
