you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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