chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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