All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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