I am in a vortex of obligation.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
