Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
