Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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