im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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