Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
