Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
