I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't deserve a penis
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize