im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
