The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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