Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
