I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
