I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
