I have demons in me.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
