I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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