i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
MIDGETS
????
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
