We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
