Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
