life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
