I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
